I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
