I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
