She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
