Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
