dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize