1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
