The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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