Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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