so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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