no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
