I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
