your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
