i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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