That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
thus making me awesome and them whores
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
