Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
