If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
