Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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