i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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