she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I fill condoms, not promises.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
