haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
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