they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
