Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
