Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
