Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
