what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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