do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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