i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize