he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
