I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
