giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
