Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
