anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
