Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
