So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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