You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
