i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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