Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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