Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My vagina is very pro this idea
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
