My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I have feelings that need drinking.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I came so hard my ears popped.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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