I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
