My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
