Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
