Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
