everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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