i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
