Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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