My entire life is one complicated drinking game
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
