Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize