Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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