She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
