Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
