dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
