If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
