You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
