There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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