Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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