i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
