dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
