You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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