What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
