I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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