All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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