Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
