Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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