The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
