Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
