If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
