Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
birth control should be required to get into college
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
