you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
