i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm passing your future prison.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
