it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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