I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
