I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize