remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
His hands were made for my vagina.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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