is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
